A Thousand Words
by kittensandnerds
Summary: Ever wonder how the profile pictures on the game came into being? So did I. Read if you wanna laugh, 'cause it's picture day in the Lost Odyssey world.


A Thousand Words

Mack stared at all the cameras and equipment with innocent curiosity. Everyone was in a rush, setting up lights and fans and other things he couldn't readily identify, but he and his friends were sitting on the sidelines, waiting for their turn. Suddenly the question he'd had earlier resurfaced, so he quietly nudged his sister, who sat beside him with her chin cupped in her hands. Cooke looked at him with uninterested eyes.

"Yeah?" she said.

"Why are we doing this?"

"I dunno. Because."

"Because why?"

Sed came back from a vending machine trip and leaned against the wall, handing Tolten his poptart and opening his own chips. "Because the guys upstairs think we're all a bunch o' prisses," he answered.

"Hey!" Tolten said defensively. "I like getting my picture taken!"

"I rest my case," Sed sighed. Cooke and Mack giggled.

"Stop teasing him," Seth interceded calmly.

"Aw, come on, Momma. No one wants to be wasting an entire day getting in touch with their 'feminine side.'"

"There's nothing wrong with getting in touch with one's feminine side," Ming said from where she sat.

"Is that why Jansen wears a ponytail?" the eldest pirate asked nonchalantly.

Jansen smoothed his hair with pride. "Say what you will, you _know_ I brought sexy back."

"Good grief."

"Wait a minute, I wear pigtails…" Mack realized, self-consciously patting his short tufts.

"But it's adorable on you 'cause you're a kid," Cooke explained. "Jansen's a big, hairy man. That's why his ponytail's a little bit questionable."

"Macho-Macho Man over there wears a ponytail too!" pouted Jansen.

"My hair's wild, like the proud lion," Sed clarified wistfully. "Yours is like a preteen schoolgirl."

"Bullsh—"

"He's got a point Jansen," Cooke interrupted between laughs. "And even my ponytail isn't as… luxurious… as yours."

"What about Kaim?" Tolten pointed out. "His hair's luxurious."

"I kill people," Kaim said simply.

"And he doesn't wear a ponytail," Mack stated.

"What guy notices another guy's hair?" Sed wondered aloud.

"Kaim, I don't want my picture taken," Sarah confessed quietly, her brown eyes set low. "I always turn red and I end up looking like a beet."

Kaim gently tilted her chin so he could look into her eyes. "You'll do fine."

And then, of course, she turned red.

"See? I ain't the only one that don't wanna get all dolled up."

"Don't get me wrong, Sed," Seth said reassuringly. "I'm a pirate too. I sure as crap don't want a camera in my face. All I'm saying is there's no use complaining about it."

"That's 3 outta 9 that don't wanna do this crap, unless Kaim doesn't want-"

"I could care less, really," Kaim interrupted.

"I'll take that as a no," Sed murmured as he calculated how many people he'd need to stage a coup. "So if we just shove Tolten in a closet somewhere…"

"What?" Tolten squeaked.

"Lost Odyssey crew, you're up!" said a random voice from a random direction.

Sed sighed again. No way out of it now. He sulked toward the hair and make-up room, ready to draw his gun if anyone so much as touched his face. Cooke and Mack ran ahead of him, happy to be going somewhere else instead of sitting still for forever and a day. Ming stood and straightened her skirt thingy gracefully as she walked. Jansen followed, intrigued by the thought of what she would look like with make-up if she was so beautiful without it. Tolten's golden eyes seemed to sparkle more than usual as he flounced toward the destination. Sed looked back and rolled his eyes. Kaim took Sarah's delicate hand in his, silently giving her the courage to go. Seth smiled at the two and trailed behind them. However, she broke into a run when she heard gunshots.

When she reached the room, she saw Sed with his literal smoking gun pointed at a terrified Numaran man. She gave him a look that made him put down the weapon.

"Well crap, Sed," Jansen said as he walked by the scene.

"What? He tried to put that lip gunk on me!" Sed pointed a finger at the trembling man.

"Dude, it's called chapstick and you need it DESPERATELY," answered Jansen.

"I don't give a flying f-"

"It's really not that bad, Sed," Ming interjected, already seated in her styling chair and getting her mascara done. "I have to do this all the time when I make ceremonial speeches, and I don't like wearing more than a little pink on my lips."

"With all due respect, Your Majesty, you're a lady. It comes naturally to you."

"That's not necessarily true of all of us," Sarah said shakily as one stylist sprayed her hair and another put on foundation.

"Ditto," Cooke added, kicking a big hulking Khent soldier in the knee as she rose from her seat. "I'm too young for make-up."

"Why is he even doing make-up?" Jansen questioned aloud. "Shouldn't he be lifting weights somewhere?"

"CAN I HELP IT IF I'M SENSITIVE?" the soldier yelled in his deep voice as he threw off his apron and stormed out.

"It is nice to feel pretty now and then," Seth said while a stylist applied her eyeliner. She suddenly grabbed the stylist's hand and twisted it. "But if you touch my hair I'll stab you in the face."

Tolten shifted meekly in his seat, a natural blush deepening the artificial blush that was already applied. "But you're always pretty," he said inaudibly.

"I'm not too sure about this either," Kaim said, or more like growled, as his face was powdered and his hair was brushed. "Only Sarah brushes my hair."

"Cooke, this lip stuff tastes like strawberries!" Mack exclaimed.

"Hey! Don't lick it!" his stylist whined.

Everyone continued to get beautified until it came dangerously close to their allotted photo-shoot time, which was about three minutes after Mack's stylist gave up on using chapstick on him. Then came the voice.

"Alright, picture time," said the random voice again. "Hey, why isn't that guy in make-up?"

Sed shot in his direction without even looking.

"OH SH-" The bullet interrupted his sentence. The man and everyone else in that direction dodged, barely.

"This guy's gonna kill us all," Jansen mumbled as the nine of them walked to the photo area. Cooke, Jansen, Kaim, Mack, Ming, Sarah, Sed, Seth, and Tolten sat in their seats, respectively, and waited to be called. They didn't wait long.

"Cooke, we're ready for you," said an Uhran lady with a camera.

"What? Why am I first?"

"We're sitting in alphabetical order, Cooke," Mack said.

"Well alright then."

She sauntered up to the spot marked "X" and glared at the camera. The photographer looked uneasy.

"I need you to smile, sweetie."

"Sweetie?" Cooke scoffed. "I'm a pirate, and pirates aren't sweet."

"Just a little smile?"

"Nuh-uh."

"I'll give you candy."

Cooke rolled her eyes. "Captain, should I smile?"

"If only to show that you laugh in the face of danger," Seth answered.

"Okay!"

The photographer took the picture then, with Cooke's face turned at a three-quarter angle and her eyes focused on Seth. Her smile was confident.

"Alright, who's Jansen?"

Jansen stood charmingly. "That'd be me, the sexy one," he stated. He smoothly strolled to the designated spot and adjusted his ponytail. Just as he was about to smile, the Numaran man who had tried to do Sed's make-up burst in. He ran up to Sed, screaming "I DON'T CARE WHAT THEY SAY, I STILL LOVE YOU, SED BALMORE!" He then kissed him on the cheek and pirouetted away with all speed.

"WHAT THE FRICKERDOODLE?" Sed shouted, cocking his gun and wiping his face. He then proceeded to chase him down. Seth stared wide-eyed while Ming held a hand to her mouth in disbelief. "Good Lord, my breakfast!" Tolten screamed abruptly, sprinting toward the restrooms. Sarah fainted, Kaim barely catching her through his own shock. Mack had gone temporarily blind, and Cooke tried to console him as he repeatedly stuttered that he couldn't see. And Jansen? Jansen cracked the heck up.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" He thought he was literally dying laughing. He fell over laughing. He was crying laughing.

"Jansen…!" Seth warned.

"Hoo, man!" Jansen said finally as he stood. "He ain't livin' that one down, oh no."

The photographer blinked and took the picture. Jansen's hair was disheveled, and his face looked overly relaxed, the result of his hearty burst of laughter. Actually, he looked rather drunk. Jansen looked at her.

"Did you seriously just take that picture?' he asked in disbelief.

"I—the old guy and then—the gay guy and—click?" the poor thing stood stiff and disturbed.

"I got it." A different old guy with Gohtzan attire came by, swiftly picked her up like luggage and carried the stiff form at his side out of the room. When he returned, he stepped to camera and looked ready to work.

"Kay, I got a Kaim Argonar here?"

Jansen reluctantly left the stage and Kaim looked up, still cradling his wife. As Jansen sat down, he thought of leaving her in his care. Then he remembered how Jansen had gawked at his wife's petite frame when they first met and thought better of it. In the end he left her with Tolten, who'd returned announcing that his own little mishap had been a false alarm.

Kaim stepped up to the "X" and cleared his throat. The photographer squinted thoughtfully for a second and suddenly snapped his fingers.

"FAN!" he called.

"Say what?" Kaim said.

A very nervous-looking boy with glasses ran in, carting a giant fan in front of him. He promptly plugged it in, saluted, and ran back out. The gust from the spinning blades made Kaim's hair flare about his face. Add to that his ever-hardened expression and his tall, commanding stance and he looked rather heroic. He raised a brow.

"Seriously?"

The photographer focused his lens and snapped the picture. "Yep!" he replied. "Next!"

"Alphabetical order, so that'd be…Mack," Cooke said, pointing at her brother.

"Okay…" Mack murmured as he walked in front of the camera, passing Kaim along the way. As he sat down, Kaim noticed Sarah had revived and was sitting next to him. She smiled admiringly at him, her eyes shining.

"You looked absolutely breathtaking," she said dreamily, fangirlism edging her voice. Kaim sighed. Darn photographer turned his wife into a groupie.

Mack gazed anxiously at the lens. "Mr. Photographer, I don't think I wanna do this."

"Look. A kitty." The photographer's aloof face as he held the little tabby was the exact opposite of Mack's completely enamored expression. He snapped the photo unceremoniously, which captured Mack's elated look.

Mack scurried away with a smiling face. He gently grabbed the tabby and sat down to pet it. Cooke shook her head at him, but eventually began stroking the cat as well.

"Guess he is kinda cute," she admitted with a grin.

Sed suddenly walked in, cracking his neck and wiping blood from his hands with wet naps. He casually leaned against the wall and glanced around.

"What I miss?"

"Nothin' much," Kaim responded, sipping on a coke.

"Cool."

"Ming Numara?" asked the photographer in disbelief. "As in, 'The Queen of Numara?'"

"Yes, that's me," Ming sighed as she stepped onto the infamous "X".

"You can do it, babe!" Jansen piped up. She winked at him, and he laughed inwardly. She really was stunning, even more so with the make-up. Still, he liked her natural face. The face that laughed at his jokes. The face that smiled when he tried to be romantic. The face that kissed him.

"A thousand years sure does wonders for the complexion…" the photographer said under his breath while Ming posed majestically, staring into the camera with kind and stately eyes. "Ready?"

"Ready."

Click.

"Next."

"Aunt Ming, that was fast," Cooke commented as the queen sat back down.

"I guess I'm just used to it," Ming chuckled. "Plus, truth be told, I don't really like these things. I try to hurry them along when I can."

"Okay, we got a Sarah Sisulhart up next."

"Oh, gosh," Sarah whimpered softly, adjusting her glasses as she walked. Mack tapped her before she walked by him and held out the purring cat. She looked at him curiously.

"You can hold Felino Roosevelt if you want. I named him myself."

She took the cat with thanks and hurried along. Sed scoffed and punched Jansen.

"What the heck?" Jansen said angrily, rubbing his now sore arm.

"Had to punch somethin'. Waaay too much estrogen up in here."

"But there are more guys than girls," Tolten pointed out.

"You two don't count." Sed pointed at Jansen and Tolten.

"We do so count!" Tolten argued.

"What's your favorite color?" Sed asked.

"Purple!" Toten replied triumphantly, the sparkles practically emanating from him as he struck an authoritative pose, complete with hands on hips.

"Really, dude?" Jansen said.

"What?" Tolten asked innocently.

Seth laughed. "You really are a bit of a girl."

"Wait, no! I meant to say, uh, orange! Yeah, I love orange! Very masculine and um…tough."

"Did he really just say orange?" Jansen asked Sed.

"Simmer down there, princey," Seth laughed and playfully smacked his reddened face. "Just teasing."

"Pfft, I wasn't," Sed mumbled.

"Sed, he's ready for you," Sarah informed as she shuffled back to her seat, happy with the sweet pose she'd chosen for the shot.

He grabbed his gun and treaded to the "X".

The camera man squinted. "Look at those wrinkles! Aren't you supposed to be wearing a little bit o' make—"

Jansen ran up and cupped a hand over his mouth. "Dude, I guarantee you it'll be the last question you ever ask."

The photographer left it at that and prepared to take the photo. Again he snapped his fingers.

"Fan!"

Sed cocked his gun.

"Nevermind."

Click.

"Next!"

Seth, without hesitation, jumped high and soared through the air, successfully executing a flip over the camera and the man standing behind it. To his shock she landed directly on the "X". She swung her sword smoothly, letting it scrape the floor once before she stopped it at her side as she'd done many times in battle. He stared at her wide-eyed and slack jawed.

"Let's do this," she smirked, her attitude proud and defiant.

Tolten stood and gazed at her with silent awe. "Wow," he whispered. If anyone had been keeping track, they would've realized he'd been staring for a full minute.

Sed soundly strode over to him and clocked him in the shoulder with his faithful rifle. Tolten, now out of his trance, almost fell over.

"Why?" he asked naively.

"You know why," Sed answered. "If you'da had any more of a reaction I woulda shot you in the a-"

"Don't question it, Tolten," Sarah interjected kindly.

Tolten glanced at everyone then. The kids were snickering, while Sarah was struggling to stifle her own laughter. Ming smiled knowingly and Jansen nodded, silently mouthing the words "Oh yeah." Kaim simply kicked back in his seat and gave a quiet laugh.

Even the photographer, who was getting ready to snap the shot, turned to him and held up a sign that read "Dude, seriously." Then he took the picture, which framed Seth's face as she looked away from the camera, smiling her usual self-assured smile.

But what was she looking at?

She appeared to be unaware of the "understanding" that had passed between Tolten and the rest of the Lost Odyssey crew as she walked away from the camera, but Tolten turned crimson anyway and timidly sat back down.

"What are you sittin' down for?" Sed asked. "You're up next, Juliet!"

Tolten turned even redder. "Right, of course."

He walked up to the hot spot and shook his hair nervously. When he was finally somewhat confident in his appearance he apprehensively nodded the go ahead.

The photographer exhaled loudly. "Kid, I don't give a crap what you look like, and your outfit's blindin' me. Go on and smile, kay?"

Tolten fidgeted with his hands as he tried to think of something smile-worthy. Let's see … puppies … clouds … cake decorating ... colorful socks … strawberry scented hand sanitizer… He glanced at Seth and suddenly stopped thinking. His lips orchestrated the smile for him. He looked…content.

The camera man rolled his eyes and snapped the picture, with Tolten looking in a completely different direction from the lens. "Like a frickin' chick flick, this guy. Alright! We're done! Shoo!"

The photographer folded his camera and walked out, grumbling about pirates, kittens and metrosexuals. Tolten jogged to his friends as they stood and stretched. Sed twirled his gun and started walking.

"I'm hittin' the tavern," he said happily. "What about y'all?"

"Kaim, can we go to the magic shop down the street? They have games!" Cooke and Mack looked at him expectantly. He nodded.

"Sure. Sarah and I will be at the market."

"Wanna check out the pier?" Jansen asked Ming.

"Alright," she responded.

"I'm gonna hit the beach," Seth said. "I miss the salty sea air."

Tolten stayed silent for a moment, trying not to show the disappointment inside.

"Um…I'm…gonna go watch the ship." Try as he might, is puppy-dog eyes betrayed him as he cast his gaze on the floor and turned to walk away.

"Alrighty, then," Sed called on his way out, the gang following close behind. Tolten looked back, and to his dismay everyone was gone. He sighed. Maybe he was to girly. He picked up Felino, who'd started rubbing up against his leg, and walked. It wasn't his fault he was sheltered as a boy. Maybe it was the art classes. Or was it the interpretive dance? Yeah, it was the interpretive dance. Hmm…or the Mr. Sprinkles Beauty Pageant, perhaps? He shuddered at the thought. His mother had meant well, but that last one may have scarred him more than she realized.

"I still can't eat whipped cream…" he muttered.

He heard footsteps behind him, and for a second his face flickered with hope. Unfortunately it was short lived, and his face was downcast again. They probably just forgot something, he thought sadly. I'll be alone again soon enough.

"What did you forget?" he asked whoever was behind him.

"You," Seth said. He turned.

"What?"

"You heard me. We're headin' to the beach, you and me."

If he had cat ears they would've instantly perked up. As it were, his voice simply shot up 5 octaves. "Okay!"

He set Felino down and walked happily, albeit shyly, beside Seth, his nervous steps barely keeping up with her confident stride. But, for some reason, he had the strange feeling that he was being watched, and he was sure it wasn't just the cat. He turned around and sure enough, to his horror, Sed stood with his gun aimed at the back of his head.

"What is it?" Seth asked.

"N-Nothing, nothing." When she wasn't looking he turned back with horrified eyes as Sed glared back at him, his stare resolute as he mouthed the words:

"You so much as think about it and I will shove this 3 foot gun up your lily—"

Tolten turned away and prayed for all he was worth.

The End.

.


End file.
